i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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