I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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