a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize