Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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