good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize