the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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