I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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