Sponge bath it is.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
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Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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