We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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