I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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