Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
