Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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