$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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