My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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