i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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