Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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