All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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