Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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