The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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