I need help removing her.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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