I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
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after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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