Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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