I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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