Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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