he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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