I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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