am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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