you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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