If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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