if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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