I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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