allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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