he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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