she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My feet surprised me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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