how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize