Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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