One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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