READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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