I forgot how hot balto sounded
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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