I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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