you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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