i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize