This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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