I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize