Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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