I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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