if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Are my feet made of real feet?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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