I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fuck me I smell like cheese
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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