loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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