I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize