Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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